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Small Screen Test

Jan 24, 2013
Originally published on January 25, 2013 10:44 am

Transcript

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Next up on ASK ME ANOTHER, we have our two new contestants, Scott Schwartz and Julieanne Smolinski.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Julieanne, I want to talk to you about this. You, you're a little famous.

JULIEANNE SMOLINSKI: Oh thank you, yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Yes. People in the audience know. Can you...

SMOLINSKI: Those are my friends. They don't count at all.

EISENBERG: They - oh that's your friends. Do you know what I'm actually talking about when I just say that to you?

SMOLINSKI: Yeah, I think I do, in the NPR world.

EISENBERG: Yes.

SMOLINSKI: Yeah, I had a little bit of a beef with Will Shortz over a crossword puzzle.

EISENBERG: Who is the New York Times crossword...

SMOLINSKI: Who is the New York Times crossword puzzle editor, over a clue about some hip-hop slang. The word was "illing" and I disagreed with his definition of it, but yeah, so.

EISENBERG: And what happened in the end?

SMOLINSKI: One of the Beastie Boys went on "The Colbert Report" and sided with me, so I think I win.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: I think when you have a Beastie Boy on your side, that's a clear win.

SMOLINSKI: Yeah I think so, yeah.

EISENBERG: All right, fantastic. And Scott Schwartz, how are you?

SCOTT SCHWARTZ: I'm all right, thank you.

EISENBERG: Well, is it possible that, through my research, I found out that you were once on a reality dating show named "Cupid?"

SCHWARTZ: We don't speak of such things anymore.

(LAUGHTER)

SCHWARTZ: Such topics are verboten.

EISENBERG: How'd it go?

SCHWARTZ: Not so good.

EISENBERG: No?

SCHWARTZ: Well me personally, I was eliminated fairly early on, but it wasn't that big a deal because in New York, nobody saw it, because it got pushed to 2 in the morning, because of Yankee games, so, thank heavens for small favors.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: What were the other contestants like, were they cool people? Did you...

SCHWARTZ: They actually were.

EISENBERG: Oh that's cool, all right.

SCHWARTZ: And in fact, it was a disappointment, because there was no drama to be had and we all didn't particularly like the girl on the show...

(LAUGHTER)

SCHWARTZ: So, the winners were really the losers on that show.

EISENBERG: All the guys go, you know, like, do you guys just want to hang out.

SCHWARTZ: As soon as we got off, we'd all be like, "whew, dodged a bullet."

EISENBERG: Okay, well you're going to fit in around here. This is a great game that we're calling small screen test. Hmm, you're intrigued. Here's how it works. So I'm going to give you titles of various episodes of a television show and you have to name what the show is. For example, if I gave the titles Art, "Ricky Loses His Temper," "Ethel's Birthday," "The Ricardo's Change Apartments," you would say?

ART CHUNG: Oh Lucy, I would say, "I Love Lucy."

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: "I Love Lucy" is correct, exactly. So, contestants, as soon as you know the answer buzz in, because this is a game about who can hit the bell first. And, of course, you only get one guess per clue, so if you get it wrong, your opponent has the chance to hear another clue and then get it right.

And of course, the contestant that has the most answers correct moves onto our final Ask Me One More round at the end of the show. Are you ready?

SMOLINSKI: Yes.

SCHWARTZ: Yes.

EISENBERG: Excellent, okay here we go. "Moaning Lisa."

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHUNG: I think that was Julieanne.

SMOLINSKI: "The Simpsons."

CHUNG: Correct.

EISENBERG: "The Simpsons," correct, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: "Showmance", "Accafellas", "Sectionals."

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SCHWARTZ: "Glee."

EISENBERG: That is right Scott. That is "Glee."

(APPLAUSE)

SCHWARTZ: Please don't tell anyone that I knew that.

EISENBERG: No problem, it's just on national radio. Here's your next clue. "Who Are You"; "Viva Las Vegas"; "What's Eating Gilbert Grissom"?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Scott?

SCHWARTZ: "CSI."

EISENBERG: "CSI" is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: "Digger's Daughter"; "Things Ain't Going Too Good At Southfork."

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Scott?

SCHWARTZ: "Dallas?"

EISENBERG: "Dallas" is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: "Fist Pump", "Push Ups", "Chapstick."

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Whoa, that was quick fire. I...

CHUNG: I think it was Julieanne right?

EISENBERG: Julieanne?

SMOLINSKI: "Jersey Shore?"

EISENBERG: "Jersey Shore."

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Now we know what you watch. "Zen Or The Skill To Catch A Killer"; "Drive With A Dead Girl"; "Cooper's Dreams."

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Julieanne?

SMOLINSKI: "Twin Peaks?"

EISENBERG: "Twin Peaks" is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: All right.

CHUNG: Ophira, we're all tied up.

EISENBERG: We're all tied up?

CHUNG: Yeah.

SMOLINSKI: Uh-oh.

EISENBERG: Whoa, okay. This is the final question. It's kind of like a tiebreaker. I know you look tense. Your hands are poised...

SMOLINSKI: A little bit, a little bit.

EISENBERG: You're looking good people, both of you. Here you go. "They Shoot Single People Don't They"?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SMOLINSKI: "Sex and The City."

(APPLAUSE)

SMOLINSKI: I am so, so, so, sorry.

EISENBERG: Julieanne, oh you're sorry.

SCHWARTZ: I'm just pleased that I didn't know the answer to that one.

EISENBERG: I know, Scott's actually like, I'm cool with that, I'm totally cool with that.

(LAUGHTER)

SCHWARTZ: That's a point of pride for me.

EISENBERG: Scott wins pride and Julieanne wins this round.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: She'll be moving onto our final Ask Me One More at the end of the show. Thank you guys so much. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.