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Copyright 2016 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

Copyright 2016 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

Copyright 2016 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

Copyright 2016 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

Pages

I Am Not The Walrus

Sep 5, 2013

Transcript

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

On stage right now we have Raya Elias-Pushett and Jonathan Firestone.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Raya, you are visiting from Florida.

RAYA ELIAS-PUSHETT: Yes. That's correct.

EISENBERG: Where do you live in Florida?

ELIAS-PUSHETT: I live in Aventura, which is Miami-ish.

EISENBERG: Miami-ish. Got it. OK. And you are there for college?

ELIAS-PUSHETT: Well, I'm from Aventura but I go to the University of Florida. Go Gators.

EISENBERG: Oh, nice. OK. Go Gators. Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: What are you studying?

ELIAS-PUSHETT: I'm studying anthropology.

EISENBERG: Well done. I have a cultural anthropology degree. Look what you could do.

ELIAS-PUSHETT: My dream job right here.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: After college I got a job as a night manager at Kinko's. So.

(LAUGHTER)

ELIAS-PUSHETT: Sounds like a perfect place.

EISENBERG: Yeah. Jonathan, are you going to college?

JONATHAN FIRESTONE: Yes. I'm a senior at the University of Rochester.

EISENBERG: And what are you taking?

FIRESTONE: A history major.

EISENBERG: Oh, wow. Well, do you have any hobbies?

FIRESTONE: I play music, mostly. So I guess that's it. I'm not interesting.

(LAUGHTER)

JONATHAN COULTON: I don't quite know how to take that, Jonathan.

EISENBERG: We think you're very interesting if you play music. Just so you know. I want you to have self-esteem, Jonathan. We're going to work on it.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Our next game is called I Am Not the Walrus. Which I will say I know I am not the walrus but I do have some information that tells me that Jonathan, you are the walrus.

COULTON: No, no, no, no. That's a common misconception. I am also not the walrus. No, I'm sorry to disappoint you. This game, as you might've guessed is about the Beatles' song "I Am the Walrus," the lyrics of which we have rewritten to be about other animals.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: My apologies to the Beatles. All you have to do is ring in after each stanza and tell us which animal we're talking about. And you must sing the answer like this. (singing) I am the warthog. (speaking) Substituting the correct answer, of course.

ELIAS-PUSHETT: Of course.

COULTON: And for extra credit you may say coo-coo-cha--coo.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Not extra points, mind you, just extra credit in our hearts and minds.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG)

COULTON: (singing) I'm a bear though I don't scare. Don't like meat rare. I'd rather snack on bamboo. Often in zoos, sometimes make the news. My habitat's in China.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Jonathan.

FIRESTONE: (singing) I am the panda.

COULTON: Yeah, you are.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG)

COULTON: (singing) Born in nice fresh water, migrate to the sea, then back. Spawning generations, always swimming upstream, chock full of omega-3s, you're in the pink with me. I'm very tasty. I'm used in sushi.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Raya.

ELIAS-PUSHETT: (singing) I am the salmon.

COULTON: That's correct.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG)

COULTON: (singing) Black and white, no gift of flight, waddle till night and swim in Arctic waters. Morgan Freeman loves to talk about my story of migration.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Jonathan.

FIRESTONE: (singing) I am the penguin.

COULTON: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG)

COULTON: (singing) I'm a small mammal. Part of the mongoose family. Kalahari Desert is the place we live at. We're not to the manner born. I got the title wrong. I was on TV. I had my own show.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Raya.

ELIAS-PUSHETT: (singing) I am the meerkat.

COULTON: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

ELIAS-PUSHETT: Coo-coo-ca-choo.

EISENBERG: There you go.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG)

COULTON: (singing) Swimming in a restaurant fish tank, hoping I'm not picked. Put your plastic bib on, butter up my meaty tail. I am a shellfish.

UNIDENTIFIED MEN AND WOMEN: Whoo!

COULTON: (singing) I am delicious.

UNIDENTIFIED MEN AND WOMEN: Whoo!

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Jonathan.

FIRESTONE: (singing) I am the lobster.

COULTON: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

ART CHUNG: I'm a little disappointed no one has gone for the extra credit.

COULTON: I know. There's coo-coo...

CHUNG: No coo-coo-ca-choo.

COULTON: No, surprising.

EISENBERG: Jonathan, come on. Put one in.

FIRESTONE: (singing) Coo-coo-ca-choo.

COULTON: There it is.

EISENBERG: Yeah. All right.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG)

COULTON: (singing) In Times Square or anywhere, my chirp's not rare. I'll keep you up for hours. Make a bad pun. My name is the one to indicate dead silence.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Jonathan.

FIRESTONE: (singing) I am the cricket.

COULTON: You sure are.

FIRESTONE: (singing) Coo-coo-ca-choo.

COULTON: Yeah!

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: OK. Here is your last clue.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG)

COULTON: (singing) Starring in commercials walking on my two hind legs. Speaking with an accent. Really should be crawling. Sticking to the walls is easy but I can't blink my eyes. I am a reptile.

UNIDENTIFIED MEN AND WOMEN: Whoo!

COULTON: (singing) Who sells insurance.

UNIDENTIFIED MEN AND WOMEN: Whoo!

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Raya.

ELIAS-PUSHETT: (singing) I am the gecko.

COULTON: That's right.

ELIAS-PUSHETT: Coo-coo-ca-choo.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Art, how'd we do in this game?

CHUNG: Jonathan was the winner. Coo-coo-ca-choo.

EISENBERG: Yeah, coo-coo-ca-choo.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Well done, Raya. Congratulations, Jonathan. You'll be moving on to our final round. Well done.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "I AM THE WALRUS")

THE BEATLES: (singing) I am the egg man. Whoo. They are the egg men. Whoo. I am the walru. Coo-coo-ca--choo.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.