It gets harder every year to identify as a horror movie fan and still hold your head up in polite company. A big part of the problem is the persistence of rabid slasher films like Texas Chainsaw 3D, opening today in theaters nationwide. Now, I haven't seen Texas Chainsaw 3D, and it would be a disservice, naturally, to pre-judge the film.
And yet somehow I feel totally comfortable concluding that it's terrible.
The splatter porn genre is nothing if not predictable: There will be edged weapons and body trauma. There will be murder and cruelty played for kicks. And there will be bloodied women in sleeveless shirts. I don't know what the slasher film industry has against sleeves, but the tank top is apparently de rigueur.
The happy news is that you're free to ignore Texas Chainsaw 3D entirely. Good films are still being made in the genre we call the scary movie. Below are five recent quality horror films, all available now on DVD/Blu-ray or via digital download. Skip Chainsaw, rent one of these instead, save $40, and thank me later.