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Get Me Rewrite

Jun 6, 2013
Originally published on June 7, 2013 10:06 am

In this game, host Ophira Eisenberg changes the titles of some well-known movies by exactly one letter, and reworks their plots to suit. For example, Star Wars becomes Star Bars when the plot is changed thusly: A long time ago, Luke and Obi-Wan walked into Mos Eisley and went on the greatest pub crawl in the galaxy.

Copyright 2013 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

Transcript

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

On our stage right now, we have Amy Ruttenberg and Jeremy Carpenter.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Jeremy, what is the first movie you remember seeing in theaters?

JEREMY CARPENTER: "Star Wars: A New Hope."

EISENBERG: Oh, yeah.

CARPENTER: I was three and I only remember the trash compactor scene. But I still have recurring dreams about it.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Dreams, not nightmares, happy dreams.

CARPENTER: Happy dreams.

EISENBERG: Oh, that's nice.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Amy, how about you?

AMY RUTTENBERG: "The Little Mermaid."

EISENBERG: Aw, "The Little Mermaid."

RUTTENBERG: Yeah, it was awesome. It was an old school theater, so they had like an intermission and they had prizes and all that stuff.

EISENBERG: They had prizes?

RUTTENBERG: It was for kids.

EISENBERG: Yeah. Did you like "The Little Mermaid?" Were you wanting to be the little mermaid kind of thing?

RUTTENBERG: No.

EISENBERG: No? Good. Yeah, smart. We call our next game "Get Me Rewrite." What we've done here is we've reworked the titles of some popular movies by changing exactly one letter, and we've rewritten their plots to suit. So we want you to guess the reworked movie title, given the new plot descriptions. Puzzle guru Will Hines will explain.

WILL HINES: Yes. Here's an example, contestants. If we said, a long time ago, Luke and Obi-Wan walked into Mos Eisley and went on the greatest pub-crawl in the galaxy, that would be "Star Bars," changing the w in "Star Wars" to bars.

Fun, right?

CARPENTER: Sure.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

RUTTENBERG: Ecstatic.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF SNORT)

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Yay. Hooray. That's right everybody. Okay, contestants, ring in when you know the altered movie title. Here's a hint, the changed letter might be at the beginning of the word or the middle or the end.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Michael J. Fox plays a surgeon who goes back in time to repair a botched operation. It turns out a stitch in time saves 1.21 gig watts.

They are both stunned.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Jeremy?

CARPENTER: "Back Doctor To The Future."

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Amy?

RUTTENBERG: "Back To the Suture."

EISENBERG: There you go, "Back To the Suture."

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Now that Katharine Hepburn and Henry Fonda have left their favorite little body of water, they discover that they have a talent for tag team table tennis.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Amy?

RUTTENBERG: "On Golden Pong."

EISENBERG: "On Golden Pong" is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Anthony Hopkins plays a devoted British butler in the 1930s, who develops a taste for flesh of his father. Yum.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Jeremy?

CARPENTER: "Remains of the Dad."

EISENBERG: Yeah. He got that.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Betty Davis gives up her Broadway career for a job on a farm, but she finds herself being upstaged yet again by a new ingénue, a female sheep.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Amy?

RUTTENBERG: "All about Ewe."

EISENBERG: "All About Ewe." You are right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: All right, this game is too easy for them.

HINES: Get out the harder ones. Do them in Latin.

EISENBERG: Okay. Now that Sandra Bullock's adopted son has become a successful NFL offensive lineman, there's not much else going on for her, just a boring, humdrum kind of life.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Jeremy?

CARPENTER: "The Bland Side."

EISENBERG: "The Bland Side."

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Can't wait for the director's cut of that, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: It's pretty gratifying. I can see it in both of your faces that as soon as you get it, your eyes light up and you're like oh, my god.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Las Vegas performers Naomi and Crystal decide to give up the poles to save soles. Not that kind of soul, they become cobblers.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Amy?

RUTTENBERG: "Shoegirls."

EISENBERG: "Shoegirls."

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: The romance between Joseph Gordan Levitt and Zooey Deschanel peters out after they move to Seattle and suffer through 17 months of continuous rain, which is a real drag on their outdoor plans.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Jeremy?

CARPENTER: Secondhand loins.

(LAUGHTER)

HINES: I don't even know where to begin.

EISENBERG: Yeah, exactly.

HINES: That's so better than what it is.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Yeah.

HINES: Here's a hint. Seventeen months is a large collection of days, several hundred days.

(LAUGHTER)

HINES: About 500 days.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I think that's...

HINES: The answer is "500 Days of Bummer" instead of "500 Days of Summer."

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: For your last clue, this is exciting, Will and Jonathan are going to reenact the famous final scene of this 1959 comedy starring Marilyn Monroe and a cross-dressing Tony Curtis and Jack Lemon.

HINES: I'm not a natural blonde.

JONATHAN COULTON: It doesn't matter.

HINES: I smoke. I smoke all the time.

COULTON: I don't care.

HINES: Look, you don't understand, Osgood. I'm a pig.

COULTON: Well, nobody's perfect.

RUTTENBERG: I know the movie.

EISENBERG: You know the movie.

RUTTENBERG: I'm just trying to think of the...

HINES: The answer, I'm afraid, is "Some Like It Hog" instead of "Some Like It Hot."

EISENBERG: Will, how did our brave contestants do?

HINES: They did wonderfully, but our winner for that round is Amy.

EISENBERG: Congratulations, Amy. We'll see you again at the end of the show.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.